Thursday, September 4, 2008

Hard Hearted?

Once again it is back to school time and with both boys now gone all day I am too excited. I realized a few years back that I am a "special" mom. I was taking Jack to his first day of Kindergarten, surrounded by moms putting on a brave face and wiping their tears. I didn't get it. I gave Jack a high five and a "see you in a few hours" and whistled a happy tune the whole way home! I wondered what in the heck was wrong with me. Do I not love my little boy as much as these concerned, compassionate, emotional moms? I got over that pretty quick. Of course I do! Jack and I had a unique relationship, and he was very ready to be at school and I was very ready to have someone else inspire him, teach him and help him grow. I thought it was great! And I still do! I think I am a much better mom in shorter segments of time. I know I need to be totally positive and patient for 2 hours in the morning. Then I can regroup and unwind (with my two little ones) and be ready to be "on" again for another 5 or 6 hours, even though those 5-6 hours are the most crazy, frantic time of the day. But if I can break it down I do much better. The whole 14 hour straight thing day in, day out does not bring out the best in me. So, when it is time for school to begin, I say Hallelujah! Don't get me wrong, I still worry to death about my boys up there at school. Are they fitting in? Are they being nice to kids around them? Are they going to make it to the bathroom? Will they be respectful to their teachers? Can they stick up for themselves and make good choices? It goes on and on. My prayers have come much more frequently in the last three days. But does it make me cry? Not gonna happen, the smile is too big! Both Max and Jack wouldn't look up for a picture, getting too big for mom to hang around! Now I get to spend more time with my two little rascals! While we were walking home Lucy said, "Jack, Max?" I told her they were staying up at school to learn ABC's and numbers. She said, "How....Bout...Lucy?" Soon little girl, too soon! Maybe the tears will come then? (I doubt it.)

14 comments:

Jana said...

For being the emotional wreck that I generally am, I find it completely and totally perplexing that I NEVER cry on the first day of school. I am totally with you sister! With YOU!

Wanna do lunch? I'll pay since you are still poor. Bring the littles.

Marci McLain said...

I completely agree with you! I am glad I am not the only one that LOVES sending kids off to school! I can't wait for the days when Gavin is also in full day kindergarten!Then the next year after that, Sabrina will bet here! Peace and quiet! I love it.

Colette Goodman said...

Your boys are so big and both so different. You can just tell by the way they are dressed. They are both so handsome and good boys.
I love having a break from Hallee. So don't feel bad. Every mom needs a break and are happy about it, even if they don't admit it.
It makes me sad that I have only seen Lucy once, when she was a couple of months old, and now she is talking. And sweet baby Sam is getting so big and I have never seen him. Are you coming down for Christmas?

Karen said...

Michelle, you gotta teach me how to "unwind" with a 7 month old! :) And I'm with ya on the non emotional part...I will be dropping the kids off and running the other way as fast as possible :) We still LOVE our kids!

debbie said...

Hi Michelle! what a cute little family you have. its debbie from 15th ward in mesa. i saw your blog on Julie w.'s blog and had to peek at your blog. Your nephew Nathan and my son, Stockton play basketball together on the same winter league team. SMALL WORLD!

Chad and Laura said...

Hey Michelle- Your family is so big and cute! I saw you comment on melissa lees blog. Small world! I love all the trees in your pictures. I cant stand that we have cactus and no trees. Glad you are well. Come back and play ball again. We need you!!!
Laura

Janie said...

Very well put, I have never cried sending kids to school. Five to six hours flies by so fast especially when you still have two at home!

Karen said...

Oh you were that close really? It would have been fun to see you. Next time we go there we will hook up. How often are you guys in AZ? Gosh your kids are so cute. Wish I already had four :)

linznkidz said...

michelle - walker and whitney and i are reading your blog and they are amazed at how much ur boys have grown!! they miss max and jack and wanted to say hi.....we will keep in touch thru our blogs!!

Julie said...

Hey I received your comment and I'm so glad that you found me. I am so new to this thing that my blog still looks pretty plain, but I'm hoping to get on top of that. Your family is so cute. Any chance you are going to be in AZ for Thanksgiving. We are and I was just wondering if there was going to be any way to hook up. Julie Parkinson

Amy said...

I snuck into the computer room at Setta's while Dallin's sleeping so we can "reconnect". This is a good post. I'm glad to know you still love your boys even with a hard heart. :) I still can't believe you didn't cry at the end of TIMW. The boys look big. And Sam looks so old and so much blonder! I can't wait to see all the kids soon!

Becky said...

Thank goodness I'm not the only one smiling all the way home from dropping the kids off! Phew! I thought I'd have to pretend forever that I actually missed them during the day! :)
BTW, I got a few Magic Treehouse books for Nick and he told me they were too babyish for him. Perhaps I should start him on a medical terminology dictionary instead!

thebigcookiefam said...

I think you worded it perfectly! I too don't cry when my kids return to school. I love that they are learning from people who have been trained to do that. Instead of with me, I am too impatient. The boys do look so big, Jack is so tall, what are you feeding him, mayber we can try feeding it to Connor!

nickyfish said...

Amen sister! I adore my children too, but the idea of home schooling my children . . . yeah, never gonna happen! Although I will admit to a few tears over the idea of me wanting to be with them all day--just makes me feel better, though I'm in complete agreement with you. How's it going with your last two so close together! They are adorable!